Glancing Back in the Rearview Mirror

I always find myself at quite a surprised state come New Years. It has a habit of sneaking up on me amid the excitement of the holidays. I am often otherwise immersed in random activities so that the new year slips by without much notice from me. I guess it's easy to assume that I'm not one of those late night party-goers either.

This year, it's pretty much the same story, except that I find myself reflecting a bit more on the past year since it was such a monumental one in my tiny short life. And oddly enough, I haven't been thinking about what I accomplished in matters of success, ego and glory (though they are all nice, obviously.) It's not about art shows and new shoes and acceptance letters. It is all about those things that sneak up on you, knock you flat on your black, and smile down upon you saying "hello there. This is life calling."

1. I gave birth this year. Something I NEVER thought I would be able to do. And yet here I am with an amazing 8 month old baby.

2. I grew up this year and entered adulthood (yes, at 33). And no, not just because I had a baby. But because of that child, I had to learn (begrudgingly at times) that it is NOT all about me, my wants, my needs.

3. I also learned, however, that if you don't take care of your needs, you get fried and worn out like "jam spread on too much bread" and that isn't healthy either.

4. BALANCE

5. I need help from others and am not "an island". This is hard because I like being the one that can do things herself - and do them well, thankyouverymuch! But, in "real life" it's not always possible.

6. I found joy in NOT doing. In sitting, breathing, watching. Most of that was also around a very curious and amazing little girl.

7. I also found a bit more patience, because I had to. Though I hope there's a lot more out there, because I sorely need it.

8. I experienced the realization that I am never ever going to be perfect. Not even if I make a million lists, stress myself out, act cranky to others, and obsess. So, I am going to work feverishly hard at not trying to be perfect so often.

9. I learned that baby weight really IS hard to get off.

10. I learned that people are only human, and are inherently flawed and fragile, and that is what makes them so beautiful. And it is what makes life so damn wonderful in those beautiful human moments. And I will try to remember and cherish each one of them in the new year.

Happy New Year to everyone! Peace, love and art in the new year!